Rules for dating in your forties

11 Jul

Be aware of your deal breakers and red flags (lying, manipulation, drug use, addictions, cheating, etc.), but be willing to find out the WHY behind the person's perceptions or responses. You might just find that they're being cautious, careful and a little guarded because they, just like you, are HUMAN, have been hurt, and are looking to love and be loved. Unlike the wide-eyed and malleable people you were dealing with in the early years, this person has experienced life, formed their own opinions about the world, determined what they want, who they are, and how they want to live their lives.

The probability of your changing them is pretty low, even if they fall in love with you.

We waited a long time to focus on settling down, and now we’re facing a somewhat distressing fact of life: Once you’re over 40, there is a diminished pool of men to choose from.

So we figured out – and accepted – that the right man does not magically appear when you’re ready for him.

On occasion, I like to look at Craigslist, which I consider to be one of the great Internet success stories of our time.

Not only is it great for browsing classifieds (which is where I found not only a great end table set, but the wonderful home where I now live), but it’s also fantastic for other nuggets of human interest, like personals, jobs, and humor.

More than 40 percent said they were considering it, but not actually doing it.

So the only way you really can empathize is to know their side of the story.

Men and women are different in many ways, but we’re more the same than you may think. We all have dating disappointments and horror stories.

It doesn't mean a person cannot or will not stretch, grow, and improve, but expecting that loving them will change the core of who they are is unrealistic AND unfair. Get rid of the "Perfect List.” Be realistic, but don't settle. Don't look for crazy chemistry (again, you're not 20 anymore), look for affection, respect, love, honesty, and someone you can see being your BEST FRIEND and LOVER for the rest of your life.

Don't fall prey to the unrealistic and relationship-killing "perfect list," because that person doesn't exist. Crazy chemistry is a wonderful thing, but not necessarily an indicator of a lasting love. Just like the person you're seeking, you've gone through some struggles, grown, changed, and are different from the person you were 20 years ago. And, although you may feel like a teenager being back out on the dating scene, you're not.